It's been a long few weeks, to say the least. My advisor came to me a month ago with a grant idea and data that he wanted. Eager to please, I jumped to start getting the required graphs, figures, and pictures, when I had the unpleasant realization that I couldn't even get started on generating anything for another two weeks because of the lead time necessary for the bio side of things. Starting about two weeks ago, the other grad student and I were able to actually start getting the data, but realized after the fact that we had, in fact, fixed the cells wrong and the staining I was doing wouldn't work. And I've been in crisis mode ever since. Luckily, we pulled some data out of the fire somehow, and the grant got submitted yesterday. Whew!
That being said, the cost of getting this grant was a lack of weekends and nights at home, and I didn't realize how much it had affected my little girl until yesterday. I finally took a bit of a lazy start to the day, walking Emma around 8 instead of 7am, and getting back into bed to snuggle for another hour or so. This time, though, Emma joined us in bed, lying alternately on top of one of us and asking to be pet. She brought up an old sock (that had been previously donated to her playtoys) for tug-of-war/chew session for a good 15 minutes, and was being just generally cuddly, snuggly and adorable. (Note: Emma NEVER wants to cuddle. She's happier just being at our feet)
It almost made me cry when I realized how much you had missed me, so, my little bear, I promise the next few weeks will be filled with more Emma time and less lab time, more walks and park time rather than microscope time. What better way to spend the weekend than with someone who you adore and who adores you (with wagging tail) right back?
21 November 2008
28 August 2008
Feeling a little nostalgia for the wonderful vacation Jay, Emma and I took to Indiana this past June, I dug up some of the pictures. Here is one of them for your enjoyment!
For all that Emma has struggled with her baths, she LOVES the open water, and the boat! While we were up at the lake house, Emma really found her voice, and spent the better part of the time on the porch, barking at neighbors, passing boats, ducks...yes, ducks. She was quite the protective dog (when she wasn't beating up on my grandparents' poor blind mini-dachshund)!!! The remaining hour of the day, she slept quietly on the couch. :-)
For all that Emma has struggled with her baths, she LOVES the open water, and the boat! While we were up at the lake house, Emma really found her voice, and spent the better part of the time on the porch, barking at neighbors, passing boats, ducks...yes, ducks. She was quite the protective dog (when she wasn't beating up on my grandparents' poor blind mini-dachshund)!!! The remaining hour of the day, she slept quietly on the couch. :-)
18 July 2008
Listening skills
Disclaimer: I have never had a sinus infection before.
It was around June 18th that I started feeling sickly. A headache, possibly a light fever, and some congestion took my concentration and ability to think for the next few days. Then it happened. I woke up Saturday morning unable to make any sound louder than a whisper. I mean, a true whisper. It's a good thing dogs have sensitive hearing because Emma would not have been able to hear me otherwise. I have rarely felt more crippled! Only once before in my life has this ever happened, and even then it only lasted a few hours. This time I literally had NO VOICE for two days, and was still at a croak for the next two after that. It definitely made for an interesting weekend for Jay and me since he could talk to me, but I could barely respond. We left for Indiana as my voice was recovering, and I thought the worst was over. 5 days at my grandparents' house, and I felt just fine, with only a little residual congestion and drainage. But there it still was, more than two weeks later, as my parents left after the 4th of July. Now, I can be a hypochondriac, but having a cold for 3.5 weeks really just isn't normal, especially for me. Even when I had mono AND strep throat simultaneously, it only lasted 2 weeks. So I finally caved, and made an appointment at the health center.
Tuesday morning finds me sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for Dr. Smith. Yep, generic. And so was her diagnosis. I just had "a lot of drainage". I could have told her that. She pressed on my face a little bit, and asked if my teeth hurt. I didn't scream in pain, so she decided the pressure in my face was not severe enough to be even a mild sinus infection. So I left with some generic prescription Sudafed and Allegra, to clear out the "drainage". 3 days later, and it's not getting better. Just as I expected. Luckily, Jay's parents have access to prescription strength antibiotics in OTC form in the Philippines. His mom was sweet enough to FedEx a course of amoxicillin to me! I started on antibiotics this morning, so hopefully in 24 hours I'll be feeling much better.
In this day and age, it's faster and easier for me to get antibiotics (and feel better sooner) from half way across the world, than to have an American doctor actually listen to my concerns and take them seriously. Don't they teach doctors to listen to their patients?
It was around June 18th that I started feeling sickly. A headache, possibly a light fever, and some congestion took my concentration and ability to think for the next few days. Then it happened. I woke up Saturday morning unable to make any sound louder than a whisper. I mean, a true whisper. It's a good thing dogs have sensitive hearing because Emma would not have been able to hear me otherwise. I have rarely felt more crippled! Only once before in my life has this ever happened, and even then it only lasted a few hours. This time I literally had NO VOICE for two days, and was still at a croak for the next two after that. It definitely made for an interesting weekend for Jay and me since he could talk to me, but I could barely respond. We left for Indiana as my voice was recovering, and I thought the worst was over. 5 days at my grandparents' house, and I felt just fine, with only a little residual congestion and drainage. But there it still was, more than two weeks later, as my parents left after the 4th of July. Now, I can be a hypochondriac, but having a cold for 3.5 weeks really just isn't normal, especially for me. Even when I had mono AND strep throat simultaneously, it only lasted 2 weeks. So I finally caved, and made an appointment at the health center.
Tuesday morning finds me sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for Dr. Smith. Yep, generic. And so was her diagnosis. I just had "a lot of drainage". I could have told her that. She pressed on my face a little bit, and asked if my teeth hurt. I didn't scream in pain, so she decided the pressure in my face was not severe enough to be even a mild sinus infection. So I left with some generic prescription Sudafed and Allegra, to clear out the "drainage". 3 days later, and it's not getting better. Just as I expected. Luckily, Jay's parents have access to prescription strength antibiotics in OTC form in the Philippines. His mom was sweet enough to FedEx a course of amoxicillin to me! I started on antibiotics this morning, so hopefully in 24 hours I'll be feeling much better.
In this day and age, it's faster and easier for me to get antibiotics (and feel better sooner) from half way across the world, than to have an American doctor actually listen to my concerns and take them seriously. Don't they teach doctors to listen to their patients?
23 June 2008
Finishing the list...
68. I only started reading Harry Potter after my parents dragged me to the first movie.
69. On principle, I will not see a movie until after reading the book (exception: see above). I had some fast reading to do after I saw the HP movie.
70. I hate hype, which is why I still do not own an iPOD.
71. Most days I still don’t understand how my sister and I came from the same set of parents.
72. I used to pile all my clothes on a desk chair. Now I can’t stand it if my clothes aren’t hung up in order of color.
73. My mother is a trained classical pianist who insisted that we learn piano. I also played the flute, attempted the violin, and still have an acoustic guitar.
74. I want my kids to be at least bilingual, probably with French as the second language.
75. There’s nothing cuter than a two-year old speaking French.
76. In high school I went through an existentialist period. It lasted maybe two months.
77. I’m naively optimistic sometimes.
78. I have always been cold-natured.
79. This explains why I constantly wear socks around the house.
80. My favorite movie of all time is Much Ado About Nothing.
81. That started my crush on Robert Sean Leonard.
82. Which may be part of the reason I love watching House.
83. I love cold, rainy days when I can curl up with a book and cup of hot chocolate (with cinnamon and chili).
84. London holds no appeal, except for the museums.
85. I wouldn’t mind having a vacation house in Italy or Greece.
86. Genetics has dictated that I will only ever be a shade of pink. I don’t have a tanned cell in my body.
87. Those same genetics also mean that I could have a child with blond or bright red hair. And hazel eyes.
88. The first time I will have a fully stocked bar will be when I move into my first house.
89. I wish I owned enough clothes to fill my closet.
90. My feet have always been large. I wore a size 5 shoe when I was in 5th grade.
91. Now I don’t mind my shoe size because I like the way my feet look.
92. If I don’t get enough sleep, I feel nauseous.
93. I would rather skip dinner than breakfast.
94. I could probably be vegetarian for a year, but never vegan.
95. I love corny jokes and puns.
96. Even if I can’t tell them without laughing.
97. People who don’t recycle annoy me.
98. I would rather take the train than drive to work.
99. I prefer writing in black ink, but am more picky about the type of pen than the color.
100. I take notes in multiple colors of ink.
101. I could spend hours designing my ideal kitchen, only to completely re-do it the next day.
102. My personality wavers between fits of brilliance and moments of blonde.
103. One of the biggest compliments ever was my grandfather telling me that he could fit his hands almost all the way around my waist, just like when he married my grandmother.
104. It is inexcusable to mix up it’s and its, their and they’re, and your and you’re. However, colloquial use of good instead of well is acceptable.
105. Waking up in the morning with the morning-after make-up is fantastic. I usually like it better than when I put it on the night before.
106. I’m really good at Sudoku, decent at chess, but I can’t play video games for the life of me.
107. I don’t tell my best friends I love them often enough.
108. But I can’t imagine my world without them.
109. I slept with my stuffed teddy bear until last year.
110. Hot water bottles immediately remind me of being home.
111. The last time I had a pillow fight was last week.
112. The perfect end to a day is falling asleep with his arms around me, and then waking up with the puppy at our feet.
69. On principle, I will not see a movie until after reading the book (exception: see above). I had some fast reading to do after I saw the HP movie.
70. I hate hype, which is why I still do not own an iPOD.
71. Most days I still don’t understand how my sister and I came from the same set of parents.
72. I used to pile all my clothes on a desk chair. Now I can’t stand it if my clothes aren’t hung up in order of color.
73. My mother is a trained classical pianist who insisted that we learn piano. I also played the flute, attempted the violin, and still have an acoustic guitar.
74. I want my kids to be at least bilingual, probably with French as the second language.
75. There’s nothing cuter than a two-year old speaking French.
76. In high school I went through an existentialist period. It lasted maybe two months.
77. I’m naively optimistic sometimes.
78. I have always been cold-natured.
79. This explains why I constantly wear socks around the house.
80. My favorite movie of all time is Much Ado About Nothing.
81. That started my crush on Robert Sean Leonard.
82. Which may be part of the reason I love watching House.
83. I love cold, rainy days when I can curl up with a book and cup of hot chocolate (with cinnamon and chili).
84. London holds no appeal, except for the museums.
85. I wouldn’t mind having a vacation house in Italy or Greece.
86. Genetics has dictated that I will only ever be a shade of pink. I don’t have a tanned cell in my body.
87. Those same genetics also mean that I could have a child with blond or bright red hair. And hazel eyes.
88. The first time I will have a fully stocked bar will be when I move into my first house.
89. I wish I owned enough clothes to fill my closet.
90. My feet have always been large. I wore a size 5 shoe when I was in 5th grade.
91. Now I don’t mind my shoe size because I like the way my feet look.
92. If I don’t get enough sleep, I feel nauseous.
93. I would rather skip dinner than breakfast.
94. I could probably be vegetarian for a year, but never vegan.
95. I love corny jokes and puns.
96. Even if I can’t tell them without laughing.
97. People who don’t recycle annoy me.
98. I would rather take the train than drive to work.
99. I prefer writing in black ink, but am more picky about the type of pen than the color.
100. I take notes in multiple colors of ink.
101. I could spend hours designing my ideal kitchen, only to completely re-do it the next day.
102. My personality wavers between fits of brilliance and moments of blonde.
103. One of the biggest compliments ever was my grandfather telling me that he could fit his hands almost all the way around my waist, just like when he married my grandmother.
104. It is inexcusable to mix up it’s and its, their and they’re, and your and you’re. However, colloquial use of good instead of well is acceptable.
105. Waking up in the morning with the morning-after make-up is fantastic. I usually like it better than when I put it on the night before.
106. I’m really good at Sudoku, decent at chess, but I can’t play video games for the life of me.
107. I don’t tell my best friends I love them often enough.
108. But I can’t imagine my world without them.
109. I slept with my stuffed teddy bear until last year.
110. Hot water bottles immediately remind me of being home.
111. The last time I had a pillow fight was last week.
112. The perfect end to a day is falling asleep with his arms around me, and then waking up with the puppy at our feet.
22 June 2008
Second edition
30. Sometimes I wish that I could sit at a coffee shop for most of the morning. Then I realize that I would get bored.
31. Dogs are hands-down my favorite animal.
32. I will only ever adopt a dog from a rescue organization.
33. My car has a manual transmission.
34. I squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle, not the bottom.
35. No one should have kids before they have tried raising a puppy first.
36. I will never date a Virgo again.
37. Passive-aggressive people annoy the heck out of me (refer to 36).
38. One of the most frivolous things I love to splurge on: fresh flowers.
39. My favorite flowers are gerber daisies, roses and hydrangeas.
40. If I could be born in any time period, it would be the 1920’s.
41. I took someone else’s boyfriend to my prom (as a friend). She loaned him to me for the weekend. :-)
42. I never ate (or craved) ribs or chicken wings until I started dating Jay.
43. I’m still trying to find my personal fashion style.
44. Only recently have I started wearing dresses and liking them.
45. I love wearing high heels, but they hurt my feet.
46. One of the many entrepreneurial ideas I have involves starting a company that specializes in kitten heel shoes.
47. If I had the time and resources, I would adopt a ton of dogs.
48. The first time I drank till I threw up was my first year of graduate school.
49. Sticking to the weather and your health in conversation is a waste of a conversation.
50. I love my fellow famous Sagittarians: Mark Twain, Benjamin Disraeli, and Winston Churchill.
51. I wear high heels in lab.
52. Broken bones are my way of marking the years. I’ve had at least 5 different broken bones in my life.
53. I found my first gray hair the week I turned 21.
54. I will never be the stereotypical engineer.
55. The best class I have ever taken was Immunology.
56. That professor had the best name (Alma Moon Novotny), and the funniest one-liners (“Releasing the hymenoptera 50,000 – that’s funny. Blowing up a building isn’t.”).
57. Addict by Dior is my personal scent. I fell in love with it when I was in Paris, and was given my first bottle of it when I was first in love.
58. Coffee is only really good if you can drink it black.
59. One of my favorite memories from college is making tea in a travel cup at midnight on a rainy night and curling up under an eave to drink it.
60. I’m a goody two-shoes by nature.
61. Part of growing up has involved overcoming that tendency.
62. I have always been a nurturing type - even when I was in pre-school I wanted to take care of someone when they fell.
63. I still don’t understand why people think oysters are an aphrodisiac.
64. 80s music is an acquired taste which I only acquired after 22 years of protest.
65. I have always maintained that a guy’s personality is much sexier than his body.
66. But touch is by far the most important make-or-break factor. If you can’t hug me or hold my hand well, there is no hope.
67. I’ve been Episcopalian, Lutheran, and Baptist, attended a Catholic school, and a Methodist church, but don’t consider myself any of the above.
31. Dogs are hands-down my favorite animal.
32. I will only ever adopt a dog from a rescue organization.
33. My car has a manual transmission.
34. I squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle, not the bottom.
35. No one should have kids before they have tried raising a puppy first.
36. I will never date a Virgo again.
37. Passive-aggressive people annoy the heck out of me (refer to 36).
38. One of the most frivolous things I love to splurge on: fresh flowers.
39. My favorite flowers are gerber daisies, roses and hydrangeas.
40. If I could be born in any time period, it would be the 1920’s.
41. I took someone else’s boyfriend to my prom (as a friend). She loaned him to me for the weekend. :-)
42. I never ate (or craved) ribs or chicken wings until I started dating Jay.
43. I’m still trying to find my personal fashion style.
44. Only recently have I started wearing dresses and liking them.
45. I love wearing high heels, but they hurt my feet.
46. One of the many entrepreneurial ideas I have involves starting a company that specializes in kitten heel shoes.
47. If I had the time and resources, I would adopt a ton of dogs.
48. The first time I drank till I threw up was my first year of graduate school.
49. Sticking to the weather and your health in conversation is a waste of a conversation.
50. I love my fellow famous Sagittarians: Mark Twain, Benjamin Disraeli, and Winston Churchill.
51. I wear high heels in lab.
52. Broken bones are my way of marking the years. I’ve had at least 5 different broken bones in my life.
53. I found my first gray hair the week I turned 21.
54. I will never be the stereotypical engineer.
55. The best class I have ever taken was Immunology.
56. That professor had the best name (Alma Moon Novotny), and the funniest one-liners (“Releasing the hymenoptera 50,000 – that’s funny. Blowing up a building isn’t.”).
57. Addict by Dior is my personal scent. I fell in love with it when I was in Paris, and was given my first bottle of it when I was first in love.
58. Coffee is only really good if you can drink it black.
59. One of my favorite memories from college is making tea in a travel cup at midnight on a rainy night and curling up under an eave to drink it.
60. I’m a goody two-shoes by nature.
61. Part of growing up has involved overcoming that tendency.
62. I have always been a nurturing type - even when I was in pre-school I wanted to take care of someone when they fell.
63. I still don’t understand why people think oysters are an aphrodisiac.
64. 80s music is an acquired taste which I only acquired after 22 years of protest.
65. I have always maintained that a guy’s personality is much sexier than his body.
66. But touch is by far the most important make-or-break factor. If you can’t hug me or hold my hand well, there is no hope.
67. I’ve been Episcopalian, Lutheran, and Baptist, attended a Catholic school, and a Methodist church, but don’t consider myself any of the above.
20 June 2008
112 Things
Inspired by a friend's blog post (which was, in turn, inspired by someone else's list), I thought I would give this a try. It is a list of 112 things that are on a need-to-know basis. You may know some of them, you may know most, but hopefully it will amuse you either way. :-)
The first installation:
1. I love the color purple.
2. Red is also a favorite color of mine.
3. I could eat dark chocolate almost any time of day.
4. Sour patch kids are a weakness. And a great cure for queasiness.
5. When I was little, I wanted to be an architect.
6. I still want to design my own house, but old houses are a big passion of mine.
7. I love my beauty marks/moles.
8. Maybe that’s why I think my boyfriend’s mole above his lip is so sexy.
9. I hate needles and blood, yet I do animal surgeries in my research.
10. I’m only claustrophobic in small, windowless elevators.
11. Heights always make my stomach churn and my hands get sweaty.
12. I participated in 4 children’s operas when I was in elementary school. I starred in the last one.
13. My favorite stroke is backstroke.
14. I could never get butterfly right. It always looked like I was drowning.
15. I blush really easily.
16. I was the first person in elementary school to get braces.
17. I speak German and French. I can sort of understand Spanish, and took almost 2 years’ worth of Biblical Hebrew. I want to learn Portugese and Tagalog.
18. I will readily admit that I am a snob in certain areas, especially food and wine.
19. I have a problem drinking wine from a plastic cup.
20. I owned 40+ colors of nail polish at one point.
21. Some of them were green, orange, and/or glittery.
22. I could read murder mysteries all day.
23. I write poetry (only under certain conditions).
24. I got my belly button pierced, but only for 3 days.
25. I never thought I would like running, but now I’m training for a half-marathon.
26. When I was young, someone told my parents I had great bone structure and I should be a model.
27. I could never be a model. I like to eat (and I’m only average height anyway).
28. Some days I see myself turning into my mother, and I’m okay with that. Other days I wish I weren’t.
29. I could see myself living in France again at some point.
The first installation:
1. I love the color purple.
2. Red is also a favorite color of mine.
3. I could eat dark chocolate almost any time of day.
4. Sour patch kids are a weakness. And a great cure for queasiness.
5. When I was little, I wanted to be an architect.
6. I still want to design my own house, but old houses are a big passion of mine.
7. I love my beauty marks/moles.
8. Maybe that’s why I think my boyfriend’s mole above his lip is so sexy.
9. I hate needles and blood, yet I do animal surgeries in my research.
10. I’m only claustrophobic in small, windowless elevators.
11. Heights always make my stomach churn and my hands get sweaty.
12. I participated in 4 children’s operas when I was in elementary school. I starred in the last one.
13. My favorite stroke is backstroke.
14. I could never get butterfly right. It always looked like I was drowning.
15. I blush really easily.
16. I was the first person in elementary school to get braces.
17. I speak German and French. I can sort of understand Spanish, and took almost 2 years’ worth of Biblical Hebrew. I want to learn Portugese and Tagalog.
18. I will readily admit that I am a snob in certain areas, especially food and wine.
19. I have a problem drinking wine from a plastic cup.
20. I owned 40+ colors of nail polish at one point.
21. Some of them were green, orange, and/or glittery.
22. I could read murder mysteries all day.
23. I write poetry (only under certain conditions).
24. I got my belly button pierced, but only for 3 days.
25. I never thought I would like running, but now I’m training for a half-marathon.
26. When I was young, someone told my parents I had great bone structure and I should be a model.
27. I could never be a model. I like to eat (and I’m only average height anyway).
28. Some days I see myself turning into my mother, and I’m okay with that. Other days I wish I weren’t.
29. I could see myself living in France again at some point.
19 June 2008
Nostalgia sets in
When we picked Emma up from the Birmingham Humane Society that cold, snowy day in January, she was adorable! Small, but not too small, fuzzy, with a little round baby belly that was still hairless from her operation. She probably weighed around 15 lbs and could curl up underneath the seat of Jay's Matrix (which she did on the way home because it was warmer down there). Now that she's been a part of our little family for 5 months now, I look back at her baby pictures and realize how much she really has grown. Her face has elongated, her ears are a little less fuzzy, and her legs are longer. She also has more fur on her tail! Her personality is more developed as well, so she will curl up next to us, or ask us to play with her. She still dances up to you with a ball, and paws at something she wants! Emma has never been a lap dog, even when she was little, but she's a lot more affectionate now. She'll actually jump up and sleep at my feet if I don't get up early enough in the morning!
The easiest metric of her physical growth is the coffee table. When we first brought her home, she was barely higher than the bottom shelf of the table. She rested her head on that shelf in order to watch TV. Now her back is slightly above the top of the coffee table, which means 1) she's grown a lot, and 2) she now can do a drive-by licking of any plate that happens to be on the table!!! I am training her not to take food from the table, and it deters her most of the time, but trust me, if there is a piece of toasty baguette on the table, it will be gone if you turn your back!
If you couldn't tell, I love my puppy! It has been an amazing and rewarding journey having her so far, and I am blessed to have her as a companion, a welcome home greeter, and my little side kick!
17 June 2008
One of the thousand reasons I love him
He called around 12:15pm today. I saw him not 20 minutes before when he stopped by my office on his way to let the puppy out. He just wanted to know if he should bring back something for lunch so that I wouldn't be hungry. On top of making sure my (our) puppy was well taken care of, he also made sure I was taken care of. Sometimes it's the littlest things that mean the most. All I can say is, I love that man of mine!
12 June 2008
What a PhD is actually worth
Last night Jay and I were on Skype with his mom when she asked something to the effect of "what will you have at the end of your graduate school years?" Although the meaning of her statement was not exactly clear, it did get the wheels in my brain turning about what we really do get out of our degrees, and it may not always be as clear a yay-or-nay answer as it appears.
On the one hand, each PhD student gets an acknowledgment in written form that he/she has spent a specified amount of time eating, breathing, and sometimes sleeping the research project now complete. The degree gives us a certain authority to go forth and conquer any research project or task that may be asked of us, but what everyone else doesn't know is that we don't know everything about everything just because we have a PhD. We glorified academic slaves can tell you in an instant the molecular weight and function of a specific protein, but could probably not name the last time we had a haircut or a manicure. We just know a lot about a little part of something, which brings about the next point.
The whole process of getting a PhD revolves around training you to think, plan and rationalize through confusing data, failed experiments, and the vast unknown intellectual terrain. To believe that your research results from graduate school are really going to change your life (and everyone else's) is a vain, albeit optimistic, idea. I'm not trying to be pessimistic here, just realistic. (Geez, I sound like my dad!) As my advisor has said, though, this experience is about the process, how you think about a problem, how you plan to find out about that certain issue, and how you end up solving it in a rigorous but elegant way. In other words, a PhD is just proof that you can think "scientifically".
So, proving that you have learned how to think scientifically is great and all, but there is a flip side. While our peers are buying houses, starting families, and building savings for retirement, we have opted to accept minimal compensation that, in turn, requires us to spend late nights, lots of weekends, and countless stressful hours of blood, sweat and tears to eke out the incremental advances we call science. All for the reward of writing a paper that only a few people in the world will appreciate, and which will get lost in the halls of some academic journal never to be heard of again. At least you can say you have published papers. I guess.
Although I don't think I would do anything differently (and after the road I took to get here, I should like the decision I made), there are definitely people for whom this lifestyle choice is not ideal. Grad school doesn't always offer the automatic six-figure income after graduation that law school or med school might, but there are still plenty of people who slip into graduate school because "I didn't know what else to do". Let me make it clear: this is not something to do so you're not bored. This is a commitment! As my sister thinks about graduate school, and many of my friends start to make their way out of graduate school for one reason or another, it takes some serious introspection to truly understand the consequence of following this path and whether it is a good fit for where you are in your life. Some times it means stepping back for a year and re-evaluating the pros and cons, sometimes it involves doing something completely different...no matter what the decision is - to pursue an idea in lab, or to leave it to those who really want that experience - this is a unique time in our lives - we are only young once so don't waste it!
To get back to the original idea, though, I will start with a quote from Rent: " 525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man? In truths that she learned..."
How do you measure the worth of a PhD? In papers published? Intellectual progress made? A cool technique that you invented or a polymer that will revolutionize drug delivery? Is the pay cut made up for by the satisfaction you get from your work, the intellectual stimulation you receive on a daily basis, the people and moments you would never have had and jokes you could never make with anyone else because they are beyond nerdy? How could you ever quantify the life-long value of what we are doing here?
On the one hand, each PhD student gets an acknowledgment in written form that he/she has spent a specified amount of time eating, breathing, and sometimes sleeping the research project now complete. The degree gives us a certain authority to go forth and conquer any research project or task that may be asked of us, but what everyone else doesn't know is that we don't know everything about everything just because we have a PhD. We glorified academic slaves can tell you in an instant the molecular weight and function of a specific protein, but could probably not name the last time we had a haircut or a manicure. We just know a lot about a little part of something, which brings about the next point.
The whole process of getting a PhD revolves around training you to think, plan and rationalize through confusing data, failed experiments, and the vast unknown intellectual terrain. To believe that your research results from graduate school are really going to change your life (and everyone else's) is a vain, albeit optimistic, idea. I'm not trying to be pessimistic here, just realistic. (Geez, I sound like my dad!) As my advisor has said, though, this experience is about the process, how you think about a problem, how you plan to find out about that certain issue, and how you end up solving it in a rigorous but elegant way. In other words, a PhD is just proof that you can think "scientifically".
So, proving that you have learned how to think scientifically is great and all, but there is a flip side. While our peers are buying houses, starting families, and building savings for retirement, we have opted to accept minimal compensation that, in turn, requires us to spend late nights, lots of weekends, and countless stressful hours of blood, sweat and tears to eke out the incremental advances we call science. All for the reward of writing a paper that only a few people in the world will appreciate, and which will get lost in the halls of some academic journal never to be heard of again. At least you can say you have published papers. I guess.
Although I don't think I would do anything differently (and after the road I took to get here, I should like the decision I made), there are definitely people for whom this lifestyle choice is not ideal. Grad school doesn't always offer the automatic six-figure income after graduation that law school or med school might, but there are still plenty of people who slip into graduate school because "I didn't know what else to do". Let me make it clear: this is not something to do so you're not bored. This is a commitment! As my sister thinks about graduate school, and many of my friends start to make their way out of graduate school for one reason or another, it takes some serious introspection to truly understand the consequence of following this path and whether it is a good fit for where you are in your life. Some times it means stepping back for a year and re-evaluating the pros and cons, sometimes it involves doing something completely different...no matter what the decision is - to pursue an idea in lab, or to leave it to those who really want that experience - this is a unique time in our lives - we are only young once so don't waste it!
To get back to the original idea, though, I will start with a quote from Rent: " 525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man? In truths that she learned..."
How do you measure the worth of a PhD? In papers published? Intellectual progress made? A cool technique that you invented or a polymer that will revolutionize drug delivery? Is the pay cut made up for by the satisfaction you get from your work, the intellectual stimulation you receive on a daily basis, the people and moments you would never have had and jokes you could never make with anyone else because they are beyond nerdy? How could you ever quantify the life-long value of what we are doing here?
06 June 2008
All is quiet on the home front
It has been an almost eerie week in lab. Half of the people (including my advisor) went to Amsterdam for the World Congress of Biomaterials conference. Lucky them...Europe for almost free! On the other hand, it left our office and lab pretty darn quiet. When you walk in around 10:30, and you are still one of the first people in, you know it is a slow week...That being said, it has been really nice to get in a little later to work. I feel like I have probably been more productive too...interesting... :-)
In other news, Sarah, Jeff, and I have started the house hunt for August. It's kind of exciting to be moving, although the actual packing won't be all that fun. Maybe I just need some sort of change to be happy. Back in college, I would move the room furniture around every few months, just to try something new, or make the space flow better. Maybe it's a second career already in the works, who knows! Nesting instincts are definitely starting to kick in, though. Graduate school is a unique time in our life, and I cherish the experiences that come along with this opportunity, but when these days are done, I will be more than ready to move on to the next phase (owning a house, decorating, planning, re-decorating, etc.). First priority right now: finding a place to live. period!
In other news, Sarah, Jeff, and I have started the house hunt for August. It's kind of exciting to be moving, although the actual packing won't be all that fun. Maybe I just need some sort of change to be happy. Back in college, I would move the room furniture around every few months, just to try something new, or make the space flow better. Maybe it's a second career already in the works, who knows! Nesting instincts are definitely starting to kick in, though. Graduate school is a unique time in our life, and I cherish the experiences that come along with this opportunity, but when these days are done, I will be more than ready to move on to the next phase (owning a house, decorating, planning, re-decorating, etc.). First priority right now: finding a place to live. period!
28 May 2008
Dead is a state of mind
For the last two months now, I have been trying to grow these immune cells called B lymphocytes. Trying is the operative word here. So far I have sucked up most of a $600 bottle of cells accidentally, and then had the remaining cells grow out of control to the point of not wanting to use them. Then, by sheer genius, our lab manager got a new vial for free (woo hoo!) and I started growing these up too. Ended up that I diluted them too much the first day, and by the time I fixed that problem the next morning, the damage had been done and we were back to the same heinous, clumped cells. So, to summarize, I think the cells are mostly dead, maybe not all dead but definitely dead enough, and I have failed as a cell mother. Again. Why am I suddenly in the mood for an MLT?
Speaking of things alive, though, Emma is doing well. Her vocabulary of tricks now includes: sit, stay, lie down, roll over, (stand) up, come...well...come is a little iffy. It only works if there is sufficient food involved, or if we are at the top of the stairs and she is at the bottom. Forget trying "come" if we are at the dog park. But I digress. This past week Jay started to teach her "snout" - which involves her placing her nose in his hand (to some mixed results so far), and we have been working on "nuzzle" - rubbing noses, which she actually will do most of the time, as long as she's not too distracted. She has also started to actually initiate play, specifically fetch, which is adorable since she prances up with the ball in mouth, and puts a paw out to tell me, "It's play time!". So amazingly adorable! I will try to post a video soon. :-)
Now I need to go hit the gym for my half-marathon training! Maybe I can will my cells to behave while I run...
Speaking of things alive, though, Emma is doing well. Her vocabulary of tricks now includes: sit, stay, lie down, roll over, (stand) up, come...well...come is a little iffy. It only works if there is sufficient food involved, or if we are at the top of the stairs and she is at the bottom. Forget trying "come" if we are at the dog park. But I digress. This past week Jay started to teach her "snout" - which involves her placing her nose in his hand (to some mixed results so far), and we have been working on "nuzzle" - rubbing noses, which she actually will do most of the time, as long as she's not too distracted. She has also started to actually initiate play, specifically fetch, which is adorable since she prances up with the ball in mouth, and puts a paw out to tell me, "It's play time!". So amazingly adorable! I will try to post a video soon. :-)
Now I need to go hit the gym for my half-marathon training! Maybe I can will my cells to behave while I run...
27 May 2008
I swore I'd never...
...start a blog, but after reading way too many of my friends' postings, I had an absolutely irrational thought: "why not write one myself?"
After much internal debate, I have finally decided to add to the cyber-clutter and create my very own online mind space. In the spirit of my title, this will be a candid, no-holds-barred view of my daily life in Atlanta. So come, my friend, sit down, grab some coffee, and enjoy my random ramblings about life, love and everything in between!
After much internal debate, I have finally decided to add to the cyber-clutter and create my very own online mind space. In the spirit of my title, this will be a candid, no-holds-barred view of my daily life in Atlanta. So come, my friend, sit down, grab some coffee, and enjoy my random ramblings about life, love and everything in between!
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